I am too stupid to live. I made the mistake of (1) opening a Mountain Hardwear product box in the presence of the SheFlogger and (2) observing that the enclosed men’s Phantom vest was a size small and I, unfortunately, am a medium. The only things left in the air after the SheFlogger pounced were a tuft of 800-fill down and my creative but ultimately useless epithets.
It doesn’t look like I’ll be getting it back either. She raves about how warm it is, how light it is (12 oz.) and how the fleece-lined pockets are completely under the down so she can walk around without unsightly gloves on her prissy little hands. She likes the outer zip chest pocket for her sunglasses and the inner zip pocket for her wallet.
I think what really screwed me was the fact that it has two drawcords, one for the bottommost hem and one that conveniently brings in the lower back for added contouring (i.e. warmth) that just happens to flatter the SheFlogger’s figure. She also likes the chamois neck lining that protects her delicate little chin from the mean old zipper. That’s OK, I’ll get even. I’ll wear her favorite underwear on my next week-long mountain slogfest.