Jewel Warmer

GearFlogger reviews the Jewel Warmer Ha ha, made you look! April Fool's! Except… this is a real product. Seriously, we get sent some fairly strange things to review time to time, but this is wayyyyyy up there. There was even a CD-ROM with it, which I simply could not get up the nerve to view.

And yet, there is logic in this madness. Nobody wants their junk to get the Han Solo carbonite treatment. If you engage in consensual breezy activities, say cycling, and you have a down-under ensemble that works for you, say padded briefs, and yet you yearn for something a little more… windproof… than perhaps the Jewel Warmer will cozy your codpiece. Compared to buying a new pair of expensive cycling shorts, it may be a bargain.

The Jewel Warmer is a thin piece of windproof fleece that you tuck into your waistband on top and snug up to your Kegel exerciser on the bottom. Viola: a windproof wanker. If you suffer from shrinkage – which if left untreated may result in the dreaded micropenis – this may work for you. Really though, it's a personal decision.

$14.99 at Jewel Warmer


Note to readers: As of November 1, 2022, Gearflogger no longer participates in affiliate programs or accepts commissions on links to products. We’ll find some other way to make money. Maybe get a real job. Maybe not.

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