When Cartman got an anal probe do you think the aliens used crappy old aluminum technology? Hell no, they used carbon fiber. And if I know my anal probes, which I do, it was a Black Diamond QuickDraw Carbon Fiber Probe 230, the choice of anal-probing aliens across the galaxy.
Also useful for avalanche search the CF230 is a beauty: 7.5 feet of hi-tech glossy goodness weighing in at a meager 8.4oz. Probes don't get any faster to deploy: grab the plastic coated wire loop, whip it out and pull. The six sections snap into place with a cool auto-locking bushing thingy at the end and wah-lah, you're good to probe.
The sections are marked with 5cm rings for snow pack analysis. They are also shorter than normal, the longest (sharp end) being only 17.5in for easy packability. The handle section has a sandpaper-like grip, and the included bright safety yellow bag has a velcro lid instead of a drawstring for easy access. Performance is solid and reliable; the aluminum tip pierces nasty debris as good as any probe out there, and the no-slip strip will save your grip as you make your grid. And don't let a real emergency be your debut: go find a beacon park and practice.