You want to talk calories? Two words: pop tarts, and I ain’t talking Britney Spears.
Your vegan tentmate is slowly wasting away at altitude because (a) her food tastes like crap so she doesn’t want to eat it and (b) organic celery with hummus just isn’t stoking the fires. You don’t care: you just pounded over 400 calories in under ten seconds by pouring the crumbled remains of a packet of Dr. Kellogg’s finest down your piehole.
As an added bonus your heart rate is through the roof from the sodium shock treatment, so you are mo-tee-vated. Never mind that your arterial plaque just doubled in volume, you got the mojo working now, blood pressure be damned. Try that with granola.